The author reflects on one year since the death of their younger brother, John-Carpus. This period marks a deep dive into the silence of grief and the persistent ache of his absence.
The passage of time has not lessened the impact of John-Carpus's death. The world continued, moving through graduations and birthdays, a stark contrast to the author's arrested grief. This disconnect between personal loss and the world's ongoing rhythm is a source of profound difficulty. The author feels a constant, quiet remembrance of their brother.
John-Carpus was more than a younger brother; he was a deep responsibility. The six-year age gap did not diminish their bond, which felt like that of twins. The author felt protective and prioritized their brother's happiness. Childhood fears of losing each other now echo with a tragic irony.
The author found comfort in their brother’s presence, believing they had ample time. This sense of security was shattered by John-Carpus's sudden and violent death. Connecting the word 'dead' to their vibrant brother remains a struggle, given his immense energy and dreams. His death created a chasm, splitting life into 'before' and 'after'.
The author still feels the urge to connect with their brother, to share jokes or hear his singing. The song "Where is my Johnny" by Yemi Alade now carries a heartbreaking literal meaning. This profound sense of loss is a constant question, asked in moments of quiet, joy, or overwhelming life. Grief is described as love with nowhere to go, yet the author pledges to keep John-Carpus's story and legacy alive.
The author's reflection highlights the enduring nature of familial love and the deep void left by sudden loss. This personal narrative serves as a testament to the lasting impact of sibling bonds. The commitment to remembering and honouring John-Carpus's memory is a central theme, promising a legacy that transcends death.